There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
