One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
