I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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