I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
