girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just invented taco cereal.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
