all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
