My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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