so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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