Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
