you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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