Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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