dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
