in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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