I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
