i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
