you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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