sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
