Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
