masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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