Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
