btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
