I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
