I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
