and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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