Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
