They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
