i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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