I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
