I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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