What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
