Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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