shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
