he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
