I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
