Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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