He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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