she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
