I need help removing her.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
