Acid is not a monday night drug
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
