Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
