The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
