I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am available for nakedness
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
