Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
