i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
