Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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