You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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