I wannas sexs uuuuu
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
