Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
