apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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