It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
