I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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