You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
